“Am I Alive?”
On this edition of CF. Jerry and Karen talk with the local author of “Am I Alive?” In “Am I Alive?”, Ruth Zandstra ruminates on her childhood, which was often centered around her father’s involvement in a cult. It’s a childhood that most readers will find, at times, unfathomable, yet along with bloodletting and animal sacrifice, the author recalls typically serene moments like picking blueberries at a nearby blueberry farm and quiet moments with her sister. As Zandstra searches for the truth of what remains of her earliest memories, no matter how ugly, hurtful, or painful, she offers a poignant account of surviving the cult lifestyle and inherently knowing something was amiss even though she’d never known any other life. From Federal Bureau of Investigation visits to being forced to kill her pet kitten when she was six years old, this autobiography is ultimately, if strangely, triumphant. By opening a meaningful, candid dialogue on satanic ritual abuse and dissociative identity disorder, Zandstra allows others a chance to make sense of their own past.